Thoughts On Passion

A few days ago, one of my favorite blogs Nerd In The Brain had a great post about personal passions. Besides emphasizing that taking time to nurture your passions as an adult is so important, she also asked the question, what are your passions? And it really got me thinking. Strap in for a big, long, personal post!

In the last couple years I’ve really made an effort to direct my life to where I want it to be. The first year of my daughter’s life was so incredible. Euphoric. I was completely swept up in being a mother. It became my life, 100% of the time. And around her first birthday I started to realize I missed all those other aspects of myself from pre-mommyhood. Which of course brought on an onslaught of guilt, and massive amounts of angsty journaling. Which led me to the conclusion that I needed to ‘rediscover’ myself, if you will. Reignite the passions I had prior to being a mom, and that it would be beneficial for my daughter to do so. I didn’t want her to grow up seeing me without any identity other than ‘Mom’. I want her to see all that I am, all that makes me a complete and whole person.

It was something I hadn’t really thought about in awhile until I read Nerd In The Brain’s post, and it got me thinking – what are my passions nowadays? Am I still nurturing them and fulfilling them? Well. . .

  • Art. That was the biggest thing I missed and felt I lost in my first year of Mommyhood. Back then realizing I hadn’t picked up a pencil in a year was actually a little heartbreaking. But, I got back on the horse and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made. I draw almost daily now, have pretty steady commission work, and in the first four months of 2014 did more artwork than I did in the entirety of last year. YAY!
  • Music. Music has always been such a huge part of my life. I remember growing up and having my dad sing me and my brother to sleep, and play piano and guitar for us. I have always loved to sing, and play piano too. Singing I have kept up with. The little miss and I have music playing all the time at home, singing and dancing like mad together. And I always sing in the car. As for piano, that’s taken a hit. It’s hard to admit that I haven’t touched my piano in over a year. Sigh. It’s one passion I really need to get back in touch with.
  • My family. It’s always been my dream to be a stay at home mum and raise a family, and I’m lucky enough to be living out that passion on a daily basis. I treasure it.
  • Writing. I think this is one that even a lot of my friends don’t know about. I actually love to write stories. I used to write like mad in high school. Even nowadays, I have ideas kicking around that I’d love to get down in writing. But I rarely do. And I don’t have a good explanation for why. Fear is a big factor. My own mind tends to work against me when it comes to writing. I almost immediately shoot down my own ideas when I start writing them – the inner voice becomes a very disheartening voice of self-doubt and ridicule, and generally stops me in my keyboard clicking tracks. But someday, I will overcome that and get something down on paper and finished. Just for me. Just to say I did it.
  • Being outdoors. I know this seems like an odd one, but as a kid I lived for playing outside. We spent most weekends I can remember hiking, camping, being out in the woods, climbing trees, taking walks. In high school my friends and I would play in the woods constantly. But after college, I was at a rather low point in my life, and spent nearly all my time indoors. Now that I have a daughter, I want her to be able to grow up relishing all the natural splendor around us. New Hampshire is a beautiful state, and has so much to offer. I want her to appreciate that. Since she’s been born we do so much outside as a family, and are doing more and more every year.

I’m actually really happy with where I am in my life right now which feels so good to say, especially knowing how discontent I was with myself just a couple years ago. I definitely still have progress to make on fulfilling my passions, but I think that’s a good thing.

I’m realizing just how therapeutic this post has been to write. When I started a blog, I was terrified about posting things on such a public forum. But I knew I eventually wanted it to be a place where I could be more comfortable talking about personal things, and I think I’m finally getting to that point. So I hope you don’t mind the wordy personal posts, as I think there will be more to come!